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17 August 2009 @ 03:41 am
This ghost is cruel. The moment I sensed it's presence, I knew there would be blood.
The second there's peace, the second I think that it's over, the second I relax, it returns. This ghost- I can't fight it, I can't touch it, can't do anything about the past. Black smoke creeps beneath the doorway behind my turned back. Shivers caress my spine with crooked fingers, warning me.
Nothing is as black as those eyes, nothing as ruthless as the flecks of red in them, slanted,evil and vengeful.
The mirror I glare into frosts over. I exhale and see my breath. The sound of smashing glass, the ghost is close. 
It digs it's sharp claws into everything I love, creates a glass wall between us.
Nobody could love it, it made sure of that. So it haunts. A half-life it lives, it's mere purpose to spread grief. All who cross it's path find themselves haunted. Killing children, taking ones of her own, innocents falling victim to it's manufactured hell.

And, once again, it begins. Flecks of red glitter in the lamplight menacingly. They're the color of freshly spilled blood, sharp like knives, like shards of glass, suspended in the air, not yet touched the ground. Red rain seeps from every crevice, staining everything. The red pours over everything, The lampshades drip, the sheets soak red, the mirror reflects only the color of agony. The red streams down my face, down my shoulders, dripping off of my white knuckles, gripping the edge of the table.
The ghost rears it's head, trying to close in on my other half, lying on the bed. I can see myself oblivious, sitting on the bed frowning, staring at the computer screen. I don't seem to notice the bloody downpour drenching my spouse and I. The ghost is nothing but raw and brutal rage. Bred from the gutters, it knows nothing of mercy. The ghost has broken glass teeth, ready to devour. It's gotten a taste, but I won't let it have another. Not another searing, infested bite into him. I won't allow it. Ghosts belong in the past. Meant to serve eternally in hell. It's time is up, game over.
His body lies there, in perfect bliss. The sleeping heart beats steady, the ghost craves it hungrily, to sink it's teeth into. The soft skin stretches slightly as he breathes evenly, perfectly stretched over powerful resting muscles. The chest that I lie my head on, rest after a long day, the one the ghost has clawed at, the one the ghost has scarred, the heart the ghost has broken. The pieces I picked up and mended together, they will not be torn apart again. The ghost claws its way towards the bed, dragging itself along the drenched red carpet, contorting it's face in an eternal scream of vengeance and spite.
The jagged edged glass tears through my skin as I grip it tightly, the mirror is now my weapon. I clench my jaw, grinding my teeth in determination: this ghost isn't coming back without a fight.
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Current Location: Johnny's Bed
Current Mood: angrylivid
08 December 2008 @ 09:42 am
     My media assignment was to make a video that expressed a side of an issue that the television does not and cannot. most of my classmates chose Black Issues, and rap and things like that, but mine was a bit different.
The homosexual community is highly disenfranchised in America, and regardless of whether you think homosexuality is right, wrong, choice or no choice, I think it happens to stand that they should have equal rights under a government that claims to separate church and state.

please watch, and please please comment telling me what you think about it.

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Current Location: my living room couch.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: over my shoulder- Mika
27 November 2008 @ 01:38 am
Dear diary.

It's one thirty in the morning, on thanksgiving. I feel hollow, empty, yet like I have the weight of the world pressing down on my chest. Every day that i'm happy, always has to have an entirely depressing ending, as if i wasn't meant to be happy ever.

I just lost him, once and for all. He was the perfect man. Loving, devoted, he would give anything for me, he adored me and everything about me. He humored all my sillynesses, thought I was just exquisite, and just... perfect.

But of course, I had to be the wrong one. I had to choose to stay with Matt. Matt and I fight every day. He doesn't get it, I chose him! over the guy any girl would give a limb for. And he's just gotten more and more unbearable. There's nothing I can do about it either. He's always having his social anxiety issues or his allergies or his inability to tolerate human behavior, and its getting on my last nerve.
It's always something though. Today i couldn't come over in the morning because he had to do laundry and HAS to do it alone, yesterday he couldn't look at the bus schedule because he didn't want to move from one room to another. I'm ... johnny is calling.


and now he says he wants to be my friend.


damn boys....
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Current Location: My room
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: The Boy That Blocked His Own Shot- Brand New
29 June 2008 @ 05:41 pm
I feel like I haven't updated in years and years, and I feel just awful about it.

Well, I'll just jot some quick things downn. It smells like its going to rain soon. One thing I dislike about the summer is the humidity. It undoes the straightening I do to my hair every morning, and now that my hair is red, it looks like clown hair when it frizzes out of control! : ( Ah well. There are some dry days. yay for that.

Also, I really want Matt to call me. I've been trying not to be clingy, cuz if I'm clingy, he's not going to want to see me as much, kinda like how playing hard to get works, but now that I'm working, I want to spend the whole weekend with him, cuz its my only free time. We were together Thursday, Friday, and yesterday, but I haven't talked to him today, and I find myself missing him. I hate to be that dependent on what he does. Grrr. Oh well.

Also I've been sober for like, over a week. That's like, a record for me since I graduated. And I'm gonna stay sober all this week too. Hmm... I need to party next weekend. I shall let nothing stop me! lol.
Current Location: My room
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Sucker Love- Kate Havenik
04 June 2008 @ 02:32 am
  Randomness. I'm at Jess's for the night, and not doing anything, so I decided to post. We just went out and walked a few miles so she could buy cigs at some gas station. I personally don't like to smoke. It's not my sort of thing, and it hurt my insides on the rare occasions I've tried it... only once, actually. But still. My poor throat.
  Alsooo, I got my hair dyed! I was considering either red or blue, but then a few people said red might be better, and I thought so too, and i went with the red. I like it soo much. I feel very edgy and cool. it's like I get to be the me that I've always wanted to be, but never could cuz i didn't have the money and freedom.. or the guts. go me! lol.

(and yes, I have a shirt on, its just my hair is covering the straps...)
Current Location: jess's bed... oo la la
Current Music: Don't Know Why- Norah Jones

So once again, I haven't posted in forever.

but ... ahh! Matt!<3

And I'm sooo happy. I only have 3 more days of finals before I'm done with high school for-fucking-ever!!

sorry, but it's just been sucking latelyy so much. I'm so over the petty drama and things like that. I didn't go to  prom, but I don't really care. I was with Matt instead, and we had fun.

Hehe, I'm not sure if its a good or a bad thing that all the days are running together and I can't remember what happened on what day... good times though. <3
Current Location: my bed, the new house
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: The Bird and the Bee- Again and Again
16 April 2008 @ 08:45 pm
uhm, so I finally asked him out.

and he said yes!

I can't wait to see him tomorrow.
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: Apathy Eulogy- I can tell you're lying because your lips are moving

Yay for wasting time before writing a speech that's due tomorrow...
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Current Location: my bed
Current Music: Panic At the Disco- When The Day Met The Night
04 April 2008 @ 11:09 pm
Yeah, so I'm at Jess's... and kinda bored. There's no partiers here this weekend, for once. And Dave and Sarah are... in the spare bedroom >.>
 I find their relationship so...gross. Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with them being together except for the fact it's so fake looking at times
. Its so icky that they act the way they do togetherr.  she whines when Dave pulls away or does aNything for that matter. Ew, how can Dave stand that whining escapeS me...
 When Sar told me Dave asked her out to dinner, she didn't even want to go out with him. He was an ass to her while he was with his old gf. And now all of a sudden... it's just so sudden and they call each other honey all the time, it's caught me off guard.
I guess I'm just not comfortable with the fact that they act so in love when they haven't been together that long, actually.

& I skipped school today and Wednesday. 2nd Semester Seniorr-itis babyy!!
Current Location: Dave's Room, Waterbury
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Panic At the Disco
30 March 2008 @ 11:58 pm
Yeah, so i was on a trip to DC this weekend. omg, i feel like I've experienced one of the best, worst, and yet mediocre thing everr. At first it was ok, but weird to hang out with new ppl, and then I had fun the first night, taking photo-booth pics with my roommates, and then it was bad cuz i have come to learn 2 of my 3 roommates are bitches who hate the whole world and complain about how their hair blew in the wind a little. It was ugh for a while. And then Brian joined our little group and it became muchh better.
And the they started hating on him behind his back, and i was like ummm so i hung out with Brian for the rest of the time. Until this trip, i never realized how frickin bitchy my class is. Everyone has an issue with someone for some reason. And this girl that i thought was really nice and sweet and kinda quiet, is a bitchh. I was like omg, for real? Thats surprisingg.
You don't knoW a person till ya knOw a person, I guess.

Well the trip's over tomorrow.
And of course there was drama this last night. When i finally get the chance to escape from bitchville with Brian, everyone was spazzing, and seemed bitchy probly from the lack of sleep, and then Brian's roomates actually got caught by the cops smoking. And that was like  >.> The kid that toLd us was high, so i pretty much assumed he was having a bad trip or something cuz he knocked on the door while i was in there and i went to go open in, and he stood there pantng for a good 5 minutes, And we were all like... Are you alright?? Where are the other 2 guys?? and he told us... and we were like ohh noo... and there were tears.. and there was praying... although I dunno how much praying will do if you aren't sincere. But  I only know whats inside my ownn heart.

I was hoping to talk to Ian, and discuss prom, maybe... but the mood wasn't right after that happened.

There are cops all up and down the halls tho, and we're on lockdown.. but then again, It's midnight... where would we bE anyway? so. i'm tiredd. we were at an amusement park all day= tiring as hell..

hopefully no one gets in tOO much trouble... although they did have it coming if they were doin that sh!t...
Current Location: Washington DC, hotel room
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Stop this Train- John Mayer
23 March 2008 @ 09:32 pm
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: I Don't Love You- My Chemical Romance
22 March 2008 @ 01:16 am
So.. I went to NYC Friday. It was quite fun.

First we took the train from Fairfield to Grand Central Station, which I've never been to before... and it's well, and experience. The dining part was reallyy pretty, and we took pics in there, but a homeless guy walked by, and i wasn't really looking, so I was suddenly caught unawares by this choking smell, and I was like ohm.. >.>

picsCollapse )
When we walked out of Grand Central, we just like, walked toward the curb for a taxi, but we kinda didn't know there was a liNe for the taxi.. so this guy had to tell us, and we felt mega dumb for not noticing that. So we finally got dropped off at the hotel.
So we went to check in, but there was a water issue, so they sent us to the Blakely Hotel down the street a little bit. It was a reallly nice hotel, but i would have felt more comfortable in the Wellington one, mostly cuz it was so nice we sorta felt outta place. I mean, Cara, no offense to them, but at first glance looks just pretty much ghetto, and so does her sister Nicole.. Angela could pass tho, and I dunno about myself. I certainly wasn't dressed like I belonged at this Blakely place.
Anyways, it was a really nice room w/2 beds and they had liquor in the fridge thing .. (scoreee!)

So we then went to a place called Chinese Regency, and Angela spoke Chinese to the people there, and I think they treated us really nicely b/c of it, lol. After that, we went out and took the Subway to Canal Street with their ghetto China-Africa town. There were lotss and lotss of little shops w/ the highest brand name sunglasses, bags, jewlery, madd stuff. So i wasn't really planning on buying a lot, but I found this brown velvety bag i lovedd, and the lady almost took it away from me cuz she thought I wasn't gonna pay 40 for it.. I was like biotchhh wUt?? but then we just left for a bit and came back and had angela Chinesely buy it for 30. woot.

So later on after we got a few more bargains, ate at this shady Mexican place, were chased and frightened by crazy gucci-shoe-selling African dudes named Mr. Peppe, yelled at Jj for not knowing how to read or speak English after living here for 2 years, and returned back to the hotel, we went out again for dinner. We were walking around, looking for a club that wouldn't ID us, and all of a sudden i see Nicole, Angela and Cara are talking to this man.. He was Black, but he didn't act ghetto or anything, he was quite nice, jovial and spoke like a normal college person. He was trying to get us to go to this comedy place, and could get us in for $10 when the real price was $35. He proved he was legit, so we went... but the $35 price was so not real, cuz the guys behind us sweet-talked the lady selling them at the place, and all got in for 10 too. Just teaches you not to ever pay full price. (we got ripped off later tho- 2 drink minimum eff thAt)

So anyway, it was REALLY funny. the intro guy was saying how diverse the crowd was.. and he got to our table and said something like "We have a black chick, an asian chick, a spanish chick... and i dont know what the heLL you are.." lmao!!! I was like "I'm half black and half white!!"
It was good, tho. they always referenced audience members, so it made it funnier. There were these 2 Brits, from Birmingham and I had a feeling the blonde one liKed me, cuz he kept looking at me near the ending of the show, and so when we had left we saw them outside the place, and i told Nicole i liked him, and so she went up to him, but i think when they told them they thought she meant Cara, and they were like sorry, and said something all british-like and kinda stuck-up and left. I was like oH no.

So then we went back to the hotel, and then i got sorta drunk on Vodka and coke, and then went to sleep.
And we came back this morning. woot. fun. I'm itching to go out again thoughh. grr.
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Mating Game- Bitter: Sweet
19 March 2008 @ 08:19 pm
I'm in a social mood tonight. So I shall write.

Today I went to school, and since I skipped the bullying assembly yesterday, I found out on what happened today. I didn't feel too bad for missing it, really, tho some people liked it a lot.
There was a part where they shared about how they've been bullied in the past (or present) and how it's affected them ... one kid was addicted to prescription pills, another was forced to drink till he almost died, another felt like she waS a bully b/c she's had a lot to deal with in her life like her mother having AIDS and being incarcerated for years, and her father dying when she was in 6th grade.... it's all really wow. Its made me think about how I should try to get to know more people and learn to value them as the individual they are, instead of judging them or whatever.

Alsoo I went prom dress shopping... eh. I don't like how any of the dresses fit on me. I don't really like dresses in general, either. Or proms... but I thought I might give it a try since its my senior year... but at this point I might not even go, cuz Brett said no when I asked him cuz he doesn't like proms.

And i'm going on this stupid trip to Washington D.C. at the end of the month... and none of my friends are going... so i'm either going to have to make new ones, or have the whole weekend suck. (Id just not go, but the trip was expensivee)

But i'm planning on going to NYC this weekend with my 2 friends and their older sister. We're sposed to be going on train, getting a hotel, wandering chinatown, and then sleeping there and leaving in the morning. If only i could get a boy to join along... it'd be the most perfect everr.. *ponders... evilly*
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Thank you For the Venom- MCR
19 March 2008 @ 08:10 pm

Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Helena- My Chemical Romance
18 March 2008 @ 01:18 pm
Haha, I keep forgetting about this thing.

(I skipped school today for the first time, in like foreverrr. And it feels pretty relaxed. Even though I still have a load of homework to do.)

Numba 2Collapse )
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Current Location: the living room
Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
Current Music: Panic At The Disco- Northern Downpour
15 March 2008 @ 12:38 am
Confessions meme

This is a very simple meme. All you have to do is post a confession every day for a month. It can be anything- funny, silly, serious, happy, sad, smart...whatever as long as it's a confession. You only have to do it for a month but you can keep going if you want. Some people have kept it going for years. The only rule is that it must be in a separate entry from your normal entries. You do not have to tag anyone to do this meme. They do it if they want. Have fun!

Day 1Collapse )
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: The Fray- Over My Head
02 March 2008 @ 05:09 pm

Well, I was with my friend Jess this weekend, and I never get to see her.. so I was glad about that. And to make a long story shorter... Her brother decided to bring beer home, as he quite often does, I'm pretty sure.
And.. it was just weird at first... I had one or three. But I don't get drunk easily. I basically stayed on my laptop the majority of the time, and held the funnel for whoever needed it. I was pretty bad at it tho, never could keep it from all becoming foam.

But there was this other kid, Greg... and if I've ever seen a belligerent, annoying as hell drunk, he was it. ugh. the whole night he was spazzing on people. And at one point I was a complete ass to him, and he thought I was the nicest person in the world. And there was a wannabe closet orgy.. but I wasn't involved, so I dunno what actually happened in there; the door was closed.

And then after that headache...and the random ppl that came over had left, there was more drama to be had with the parents walking in, and I'm sure you can guess what that lead to.

So Josh was like "Something will go wrong, Something alWays goes wrong..."

So, that shall be my philosophy for drinking parties from now on. At least till I'm 21. Maybe I'll give it another chance.

But at this point I'm left wondering why on earth people like to drink so much...
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: The Little Things Give You Away- Linkin Park
27 February 2008 @ 03:34 pm
omg! Dan Radcliffe! Kissing another guy! And I didn't know about it wheN it happened!

It's like... Dan... what's goin on??
Although I do have to say, it didn't like he was THAT into it, but at the end he sorta responded...

omg.. that lucky guy that got to kiss him... Does anyone happen to know if he had charges pressed against him??

Yeah, I'm a huge slash shipper(or, used to be), and just seeing that makes me wanna squee.

And I don't squee all that often >.>

Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: crazycrazy
Current Music: Greg Holden- Chase
16 February 2008 @ 01:12 am
Every time I think of your smile in my mind,
I weep
I think of the way you used to smile when we talked
The way we connected,
Our love.
It was new, untarnished, and perfect.
I weep now
As I think of what I've done,
and what you've had to do.
And I wonder...
Do you still smile?
Is it the same, if you do?
Or is it the kind I wear,
there for mere seconds.
Only when studied would anyone see
if they froze the moment in time
the smile is not sincere,
but only a reflex to society.

We hide our souls
trying to hug ourselves through the night
trying to convince ourselves...
that we'll find the one someday.
Trying to convince ourselves we can grasp the cold lifeless pillow
and believe its the one.
The one we lost
the one that we know we'll find
the one we that causes this chasm in our hearts
to feel that much deeper and wider.

We're as convincing as our smiles,
But are they convincing at all?
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Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Keane- Bedshaped
08 February 2008 @ 05:17 pm
You Are More Yin


Me? ... perhaps...Collapse )
Current Location: my bed
Current Music: Across The Universe
06 February 2008 @ 11:16 pm
I auditioned a few hours ago!

Ok, for the last few days I was all discouraged about it, and like, oh, I don't really even want to be in it, there's not a good part I want, I can't dance well enough, I'll be too nervous to sing, blah blah blah...

But it was actually good!

I'm in a weird mood today where I'm pretty, like social and talkative to people I don't usually talk to... and I did the singing part, I sang Who Am I by Casting Crowns ^_^ and the director, Dean kinda had this shocked look on his face, but for some reason I think he always has that expression when ppl try out..
(I feel bad for those who think they're doing poorly >.> )

And then was the dancing.. uGh. it took me a while to learn the dance which was fairly simple.. for those of you who dance it was like, a jazz square, and some... er I forget the terms for them.. oh well. But I got it pretty good except for maybe 2 steps, and I was smiling, and 'had fun' when the director was watching, so I think I did good on that too.

And theN was the reading part. I read the Queen... who's basically a loud, pompous, mean one, also described as a *itch... I just pretty much tried to act the way my mom does when she yells, hehe. no offence to my mom... my brother and i deserve to be yelled at sometimes >.<
And I made people laugh, during the reading... hopefully it was a good thing! >.<

Well, then after he was kinda hinting that i got the part, and callbacks are tomorrow night. So, if I don't get the Queen or a lead, I'm probly gonna drop out & come back for stage crew, cuz I either wanna give it my all and feel accomplished at the end, but I don;'t wanna waste my time to be a stupid background dancer when I don't liKe dancing >.<

Yeah, so that's pretty much it.

Love you all(if you even read this, lol).
Current Location: My bed
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Christina Aguilera- I Turn to You
31 January 2008 @ 12:59 am

why do they neglect me enough tO mess up?

why me?

Why does the calm before the storm actually make it easier to get stuCk in the storm??

Why mE?
Current Mood: sicksick
17 January 2008 @ 09:45 pm
*Nothingness/Complainy Post*

Mmmkay.... I'm sitting here buried in math papers, supposed to be studying.... but... I really don't want to. And I'm tired.

And I miss Bretty who I haven't talked to all day.

Grrr... I'm so glad midterms will be over tomorrow. After I fail this math one >.< Well... he curved it last time... freshman year, that was >.> gah!!

EDIT: Welll, seeing as there was this mix up and a classmate and I got the High Honors level test, instead of the Honors one, i don't think studying would have gotten me a better grade anyhow.

I love how people ruin my life for me. >.< jk.. I'm probly gonna get a better grade cuz he said he's gonna look at it and 'grade what we did' but I guessed on the stuff we didn't learn... so... I hope he just makes up a grade in the B or A- area, perhaps. I'll be quite happy. ^_^

Oh, and if you're wondering why I sat there for an hour and a half taking the wrong teSt, I did ask the proctor about it, but he said they were aLL like that, so I just felt dumb for not recognizing half the questions.
So I didnt find out till I had sat there for 90 minutes, stressing about how I must have blacked out for 60% of the classes.

Current Location: My bed
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Pain- Jimmy Eat World
16 January 2008 @ 03:06 pm
ZOMG, I've been accepted to UNH!

That's like, probably the best school out of the ones I applied to to go to!


I didn't even submit my portfolio thingy yet >.>
I guess my laziness haSn't ruined my chances of having a future. woot!


btw, Kc, if you read this, I found the Sweeney Todd OST (complete!) online and I'm downloading it now. Remind me to send you a link or something if you want it.
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Current Location: my bed
Current Music: James Blunt- I'll Take Everything
11 January 2008 @ 02:39 pm
Yeah, I don't quite really think I'm insane. Or if I am, too bad.

But anyways, things are back to normal (almost). I'm still going out with Brett, my <3.

He needs to get his arse down to the movies with me or something soon. I never get to hang out with himm >.< We talk online 24/7, but its not the samee.

Well, I have a to-do list. omg.

Study for Brit Lit Exam
Find math notebook (if I lost it, I deff loose... at life. and my average plummeTs. *cries*)
Banners (2) and avatar (1)
Design shirt logo thing, poster and bulletin thing.
umm UConn App
FAFSA thing.
umm die.

Kc told me to transform my darkness post into a fic. What a tart-face. lol *thinks she might be punished for such talk*

Midterms are not cool. I did my only easy one today, and the rest are going to be harder than ... *censored*.

haha. It's raining.
Current Location: My bed
Current Music: Locksley, All of the Time
22 December 2007 @ 08:38 pm
Life's ok... I guess....

There's some fun parts.. and some sucky parts....

But overall... I feel like I'm in some sort of psychological limbo.

It's weird. And it really doesn't feel like Christmas this year. It's been a while since Christmas was an unblemished, pristine holiday for me. Other years there were family problems, this year, there's stuff going on, but its more like, a numbness or something.

I just want to be alone sometimes. I'm starting to really look forward to possibly moving out for college, either living in a dorm, or living in my own place. I don't know how realistic some of that is, but it's starting to look a bit welcoming right about now.

BUT, on a more optimistic noteee, on Thursday, my friend Semaj and I sang for the school our Christmas songs and whatnot, and even though the horns totally boTched half the songs up, everyone was saying how amazing the singing was ^_^.
A lot of people were like "omg! I didn't know you could sing! " and stuff like that. I was like hehe thankss *blush*

It's probly cuz I'm pretty quiet in school, and then I was like *grrr singg* and people don't expect that from the quiet girll.

So, for that I'm overall pleased and thankful it wasnt worse. OH YEAH, this kid I that I find to be GORGEOUS complimented me on Friday about my singing. I was like *faint* It totally made my day!

And last night I was in NYC with some friends and church. It was really fun. We went to the Times Square Church for a Christmas play they were presenting, and then we went and walked around times square. Mucho fun. I put a short vid up on facebook, if anyone who's friends with me on FB wants to check it out. ^_^ It's quite silly.

And UGH. college things... 2 or 3 have to be completed this week. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING, ALYSSA. gosh. I'm a bad girl.

Oh, and in case I don't post in the upcoming days, Merry/Happy Christmas, everyone! *loves all*

Current Location: home
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Coldplay- Clocks
12 November 2007 @ 11:34 pm
... when it wasn't even whole to start with.

Ugh, I hope I can survive tomorrow at school. I have to gather all my work that I missed on Friday, and I'm very muCh not used to that because I'm never out.
So I think I should go to bed earlyy... meaning before 12, maYbe. Hehe.

Also, I think I've actually found someone good for me. Brett. I have yet to meet him in person, but I've been talking to him online (not randomly, mind you, he's a friend of a close friend) and he's sooo sweet. And to add to that, we're really similar but not annoyingly so. We can spend 3 hours talking about nothingg at all. He's younger than me by a few months, but he's really smart.. which is a nice change in comparison to the other boy's I've been romantically involved withh. Not to say they were dumb, but you know.. >.<
*sigh* I just feel like maybe this could work out. It really has potential.
The last guy is starting to seem like it was infatuation anyway. We never developed a proper friendship before the relationship. meh.
*tries to think happy thoughts*
 *thinks of Brett*
*thinks it worked* =D

Meh. I have to memorize a pledge for the Spanish National Honor Society now. It angers me that only mY school makes us eaRn our way into the societies, even though the only national qualifications are the grades and a teacher recommendation. All my friends from other schools were put in automatically. But noooo, Alyssa has to memorize stuff, write stuff, DO crap to get in, EVEN though I've maintained an A average in the sh!tt.

gah! happy thoughts! lol  *hides*

Oh, and one more thingg, has anyone else started to get reaLLy addicted to facebook?? I've been on it soo much lately. And the Vampires app as well as the Superpoke app are sooo addicting. I've been attacking and poking people 24/7! (btw, if anyone is curious about brett, he's on my top friends on my facebook. You can see his little face, lol)
Current Location: home
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: You Found Me- Kelly Clarkson
08 November 2007 @ 11:22 pm
I had a really great birthday, and thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! *hugs*

But... the morning after was a karma kick in the ass. I totally just fucked myself over.
Aaaand it sucks. a lot. aaaand I didn't so the piles of homework I had, including memorizing the inductee speech for the Spanish National Honor Society. Yeah. So this is crap.

They're lucky I'm not just deciding to skip school today. I really should though. aarrggghh.

I did stay home. If I went, it would have put me and those around me in danger. So I think I did a good thing... maybe.


Have you ever known something was bad for you, and known there were potential consequences, but you just had to do it anyway, because you're just that addicted to it, and you really just can't resist??

Current Location: home
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: none
Oh. My. Godric.

I saw Jon today.. I know I haven't written a lot about Jon. Things with him change to often it's hard for even myself to keep up.

Um, about The last weekend in September, i think, i met Jon for our first date, and it was a good relationship for.. about 2 days. Yeah. lol. Oh gosh. I should have left it then and there, when he said he didn't have time for a relationship, but weak me, having already fallen head over heels wanted to rescue the poor little relationship.

And then madd stuff went on. And he ended up blocking me, and not calling. I assume because he didn't want to deal with any of it anymore, but he could have left me a note or something *grrrr*

Well, I saw him today. It was like seeing a ghost...one that stirs up every emotion in my that I've ever felt.

I approached him and had to hold the railing with my hands to hide their shaking.

Part of me thinks I should have tried to salvage the relationship somehow, but then I should have kicked him and pushed him down the stairs, whether his little brother and friend were standing 2 feet away or not.

Hmm... I ended up doing neither, but I probly should have. *headdesk*

I don't know anymore.
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Current Location: home
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Last Christmas- Jimmy Eat World
16 October 2007 @ 05:39 pm
I haven't updated in agesss.

There's been a lot going on, really but not too much time to post it all.

Hm, in regards to school, its the same as always, except I'm really liking the part where we get out at one. ^.^ The only problem so far is that I'm in Literary Club, Gospel Choir, Debate Club, Chemisty Club, aNd Drama club, and they all meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays afterschool, so I can only pick one each day.  And I have no ride home on Tuesdays.. so yeah.

There's quite a bit of church stuff I'm involved in right now also. I'm in the Sunday Worship Team, the Friday Night worship team, and I go to bible study on Monday nights. There's practice for the worship teams Monday, Wednesdays, and Friday nights, and Sunday mornings.. so basically now I have much less time. Not that I'm complaining, I like doing all this, and I enjoy it mucho.

And I just searched out a lot of info on the colleges I'm applying to, and the list has changed slightly.


good day,
- Lyss
Current Location: home
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Why Don't Kiss Her?- Jesse McCartney